Day 1: I’ve been late as usual. Coffee. One cigar. His face. Millions of feelings.
Continue to do my work. I can’t. He is watching me. I’m watching him. He is. Love. I have to run.
Evening. Eating dinner alone. As usual. Fred, the dog is watching me. He is not. I miss that face.
Going to sleep. Going to smoke. Going to sleep. No sleep. Sleep.

Day 2: This time not late. Why? How? He is not here. Oh, he is. I’m watching him.
He is not watching me. I do my work. Coffe. One cigar. Two cigars. Third and he is coming. I leave.
Why? I go home. I miss my mother. Fred, the dog is watching me. He is not. I miss that face.
I make him a playlist. Lame songs, lame me. Love. Love is lame.
Going to sleep. Sleep.

Day 3: Going to work. This time late. Like always. I see him. I go. I stop. I can’t do this. Oh, yes I can.
I go. He likes the songs. I like him. I do my work. He is watching me. I’m watching him. Love.
Coffe. Once cigar. He is coming. I stay. He stay. We talk. Love.
I go home. Fred the dog is sick. I’m sad. Going to sleep. Fred dies over night. I cry.

Day 4: I take a day off. I’m watching Fred. Fred is gone. He was a good dog. I’ll miss him.
I go for a walk. I smoke. I see people. Smiles, happiness, sadness, I see buildings. I see the sky. I see the sun. The sun is beautiful. The storm is coming.
I go home. Fred is not here. I get sad. I miss him. I’m thinking about Matt. Matt is cute. I like Matt. Love.
Making dinner. Eating dinner alone. I hate that. Going to smoke. Going to sleep. Sleep.

Day 5: Going to work. Late. Meh, who cares. I see Matt. He is cute. Tall. Blue eyes. Great lips. I’ll never have him. It’s okay. I never had what I…meh.
I do my work. I get bored. But I need money. Money is all I need now. Rent. Food. Cigars. Music.
I go home. I ask for his number. I have his number. I feel lame. I’m lame.
I get home. I’m making dinner. I’m eating dinner. Alone. He is eating dinner alone too.
Going to sleep. Thinking about Matt. Sleep. No. Thinking about Matt. 6 A.M in the morning. Tired. Too tired for work.

Day 6: Tired. Too tired for work. Going to work. Late. Matt late too. Why?
I do my work. I get a text “cigar in 10 mins?”. Going to cigar. He is asking me for dinner. Sure. I’ll make pasta. Happy. Excited. Feelings. Nervous. Scared.
I go home. I make dinner. Eating dinner. Not alone. Matt likes it. I like Matt. Matt likes me. What? Going to smoke. I kiss him. Smile. Happy. Nervous. Feelings. Love.
Going to sleep. Sleep.

Day 7: Coffee. One cigar. Matt. Another cigar.
I do my work. I see him. I smile. I’m thinking about last night. It was really nice. I want that. Again. And again. Hehe…
Text message “fancy a walk?”.
Walk. Park. Evening. Matt. Love. Feelings. Excited. Nervous. I smile. We talk. He is telling me about dogs. I miss Fred. He is got a dog. And a cat. And a bird. We talk. I’m telling him about my hobbies. He likes it. He likes me. I love him. He kisses me. I kiss him back.
I go home. Matt comes too. I make dinner. He likes it. We talk.
We are sitting on couch. He is sleeping. In my arms. I feel safe.
Going to sleep. Sleep. With Matt. In my arms. Love.

Day 8: My birthday. I’m making a cake. Matt comes at me. He is my boyfriend now. I’m his boyfriend. How? When? Love. Happiness.
He told me he’s got a gift for me. It’s a dog. I love dog. I miss Fred. I cry. It’s happiness.
Walk. Park. Like one year ago. Our first year. We talk. I kiss him. “I love you”. Speechless. I love him too. Way too scared to say that. “I love you too”.
We go home. Our home. I’m happy. He is happy. We both happy.
Going to sleep. Sleep. Matt wakes up. He cries. Why? Pain. Lot of pain.
3 A.M in the morning. Going to hospital. Hospital. Blood. Everywhere.
Scared. Scared. Scared. Scared. Scared. Scared. Matt is not good. Matt.
Falling asleep.

Day 9: It’s been two years. He is gone. I miss him. I miss him. I miss…
He was here. In our bed. In our home. He is not anymore.
Coffee. One pack of cigs. Going to work. Work. I feel sad. I am sad. I am dead. He is dead.
Going home. David, the dog is watching me. Matt is not. Matt is gone.
Eating dinner. Alone. Again. And again. I miss him. I’m so lame. I love him.
Going to sleep. Cry. Smoke. Drink. Cry. Trying to sleep. Cry. Sleep.

Day 10: Not going to work. Cry. Smoke. Drink.
Cry. Smoke. Drink.
I miss him. Why? I love him. He is gone. It’s not fair.
Weak. Cry. Smoke.
Gun. Music. Cry. Drink. Smoke.
Matt is dead. Gun. I am dead too.
…